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Head vs. Heart

Hey. Hi. Hello! Are we surprised I actually have a blog post up at the time they usually go up? Because frankly I am, didn’t think I was going to have the motivation to do this, but here we are. I’ve lost track of the days, but according to all calendar’s in my life, it’s Friday, May 18th (aka the start of the CrossFit Regionals), so here’s a Fitness Friday post for ya’ll.

Like I promised in my Monday post, this is going to be a bit of a different FF post, since we’re not going to be covering anything related to physical fitness. However, we are going to be talking about mental health, or more specifically my mental health in regards to a big decision I have in front of me. It’s 2018, so we all know how important taking care of ourselves mentally is beneficial for the rest of our health, so I thought it made sense to lump this in.

It’s almost June, which means it’s almost July, which means I’ve been in the city for a year now. In that time, I haven’t made any true friends. Ya know, like the kind you can call up last minute to go get drinks, dinner, or even see a concert with. I have some people I do social sports with (honestly not sure if I should call them friends, or aquaintances or what). I also haven’t held a stable job that I like (or that my family is happy about) since I left my internship in December.

Basically, I’ve spent the last 5 months traveling between Orlando, Boston, Mexico, and here. And when I’m in the city I found myself crying over being lonley and stressing about my future moreso than I did anything else. So, it seems like the natural progression of things would be to move, right?

And I did think of that. At first I got a lot of pushback from my family about the thought of moving back to Orlando. ALL of my friends stayed in Orlando, and I spent a good amount of time this past year traveling there. I’m familiar with that area, I have friends there, and it just seems like a place that is more my pace than New York. Sounds good right? Well, not quite.

THIS, my dear readers, is where our dilema comes in. I’m 23 years old, and I somehow feel all this pressure to succeed and do well. Not sure if it’s because everyone around me always told me they saw me being famous, or wanted to work for my company when I started it. Or if it’s the fact that New York has always felt like it’s one of those cities where if you don’t have a direction and you’re not keeping up with everyone else, you’re falling behind, both physically and mentally. Currently, in my life I’m not doing what I want. Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy the retail job I’m working, which sounded like it had potential for management when I got hired, but retail is not where I see myself.

I’ve been telling myself that I don’t want to stay anywhere for a retail job, and I don’t want to move anywhere for a retail job. But that seems to be the immediate direction my life is taking. Either I stay in New York for at least another year and remain with this company, while also applying to other places in the hopes of getting interviews. Or Plan B is moving to Orlando in hopes of getting transfered down there with my current company.

It’s an age-old battle of the head versus the heart. My heart tells me to move to Orlando, where I’ll be happy. It’s where my life was for the last 4 years. It’s where my friends are. It’s quite literally where the Happiest Place on Earth is. There’s possibly potential for growth within the company down there, as it’s the same retail thing. However, the downside is the lack of career growth. Orlando may be a growing city, but it’s not growing in the job sectors that I want. I don’t want to do sales, or recruiting, or telemarketing or tourism. Yes, I love Client Experience, but I need to be in a creative sector (that’s not retail). So, Orlando would make me happy, but lacks career potential outside of retail.

New York, on the other hand, is where my head tells me to stay. It’s a city of countless opportunities. I may not be getting any of these opportunities, but they’re out there. I don’t have friends here, I’m sad a lot, and extremely lonely. But it’s close to my family, there’s plenty of things to do around here (I just finally started taking the subway sometimes), and there’s more room for career growth. I’m already working in a flagship, there could be potential for headquarters movement, or more management experience that could translate over into a creative career in fashion or cosmetics.

It’s a conflict I’ve been facing for the last few weeks, and I haven’t had any input from outside people that’s helpful. My friends down south tell me to move down there because they miss me. My family (aka my mom) tells me to stay in New York because “I’m just warming up to it.” One friend told me that I should focus on making a name for myself, or doing something that could help launch me into the cosmetic sphere, which I could do in any city and not necessarily have to stay in a cosmetic hub.

This advice, while I’m sure is well-intentioned, hasn’t helped me at all. I really wish someone would just come along and tell me what to do. No signs or any of that bullshit, just a straight up “Do this” and all my answers would be solved. I don’t want to make a decision for myself and have to face the consequences of feeling like I made the wrong one. So, I’m going to depart this post in order to go watch some TV and hammer out some pro’s and con’s.

Actually, funny story before I leave. When I was deciding where to go to college, I wrote out pro’s and con’s lists for each, but I wasn’t happy with the outcomes of that, so my friend created an online poll of where I should go to school. The winning school was NOT the one I wanted to go to, but I hate authority and being told what to do so I chose the opposite school that all 1,000 people voted on and it was great. So, what did we learn from all this? I hate authority and should probably honestly just flip a coin and see if I feel like doing the opposite of the outcome. I’ll keep everyone updated on my choices, because I know you’ll be interested. Until next time, xoxo.

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