Hey. Hi. Hello!
It’s Friday, I’m back in NYC, and I’m going to a Yankees game tonight (not because I actually like them, but because I’m going with friends and I’d like to keep them. Or, maybe because I want to heckle some players while also trying to get them to fall in love with me because hello have you seen baseball butts?!).
You didn’t click on this post to hear me talk about my seduction plans for the MLB. Rather, I’m hoping you click in this to learn about this thing called a Dorito Body, and how it can help you look instagrammable 100% of the time.
If you think it sounds ridiculous in concept then you are correct. To break it down in the simplest terms, think of a dorito chip. Ya know how it’s like a pretty good looking orange triangle. Well, take that chip, flip it so the point faces downward. Look at that nice taper, HOW LOVELY. Now, think of that chip as your upper body.
This, my dear friends, is how men get their waists to look enviably slim. I mean, have ya seen Chris Evan?! He’s the one who originated this concept, and like it makes sense. But now you may be thinking WHY WOULD I, A FEMALE HUMAN, WANT A DORITO BODY?!
Literally not once in my entire existance as a female human on this earth have I ever encountered another female human who was like “Hell yeah, mess me up with some broad shoulders. Why? Because, broad shoulders are considered manly, and as females we aim to look as slender as possible while also still looking like we’re a viable mate and can produce offspring. It’s a werid concept, like the dorito body, humans are complicated, let’s move on.
If you keep up at all with my posts, you know that I’ve already talked about some exericses you can do to grow your lats, and thus create a smaller-looking wasit. If you haven’t, do yourself a favor and read it here. While growing your lats is one thing, you don’t want to look like some weird ape with defined lats growing out of nowhere. But, fear not, I’m here to save you.
Before we get into the exercise portion of this post, let’s talk anatomy for a second. I’m not going to do this well by any means, because anatomy is the one section of my personal training AND nutrition coach exams that I just did not excel on. However, I can still use google and do my best to explain, so that we undestand what’s going on with these exercises.
While the shoulders may be small, they’re made up of quite a few muscles that are often associated with the back and chest. I bet if you were to ask any bro at the gym what his favorite shoulder exercises are, he’d name about 1001 different exercises that target the deltoids or the trapezius muscles. While those may be the larger surface-level muscles that many are concerned with, there are still a bundle of deeper level muscles that are going to push your dorito body to the next level.
If you don’t understand by now, we want a dorito body because nice, round shoulders and some defined lats are going to create a more dramatic upper portion to our hourglass figure, creating a slimmer waist, which is what we LIVE FOR. Do you understand now? Ok, please continue reading. And, enjoy once again pictures of cute men to help you.
This is the most basic shoulder exercise out there. It can be done with dumbbells, a barbell, EZ-Bars, your cat, a textbook, literally anything. Beginners should start with unilateral raises (ie. using dumbbells, two cats, kettlebells), so that any muscle imbalances can be accounted for before moving into the barbells. This is that exercise you see every bro doing while they’re seated on a bench, because it’s the most effective in targeting your deltoids. You can spice up the movements by doing single, single, double, or using the barbell and doing one rep behind your head, then one rep in front of your head. So many variations!!!!!!!!!!!
Much like the push press, there are plenty different variations of the dumbbell raises. You can do them laterally, you can do them as front raises, hell, you can even do them as Y raises. Whatever floats your boat. The variation you choose will depend on which one of your deltoids you’re targeting (front hits the anterior delts, lateral hit the middle delts). Sometimes, if I’m feeling super spicy, I’ll do some sets where one arm hits a lateral raise while the other hits a front raise. Target all the delts, all the time.
Rear Delt Pulls
Recently, I’ve seen a lot of girls on Instagram and YouTube hit rear delts on back days. I am one of those girls. Howeve, I’ll also throw them into back days. The most common variation of a rear delt pull is a the facepull, demonstrated by Mr. Ripped above. This targets the trapezius, rear delts (duh), and the smaller muscles that help the stablize the rotator cuff. Another good variation is using a single handle on the cable machine and really focusing on engaging that rear delt before the pull, so it’s not coming directly out of the shoulder. Check out Whitney Simmon’s YouTube for more variations of rear delt pulls.
Arnold Schwarzenegger (I had to google that), did so much body building, he even has his own move named after him. Must be nice. (If there was a move called the Lane it would be working out at a mediocre level and then eating Mac and Cheese). The Arnold Press is an interesting one, because I find I have to keep the weights pretty light in order to keep this movement centered on the shoulders. Like Mr. Smolder above, you start with the dumbbells in a front rack position, then open your arms 90 degrees like a gate, and then up like suicide doors. As the movement pushes up and out, you start to engage your lateral delts, while the trapezius will fire up at the time. Interesting movement, 10/10 would only recommendif you’re as serious as Mr. Smolder
This is one I throw in at the end of my workouts as a burn-out. They’re my favorite way to target the traps, because by the end of my workouts my delts would like to take a bit of a rest. As the name sounds, you’re basically just raising a plate as if you’re Rafiki raising up Simba for all the Savannah to see. I have to remember to push my shoulders down as I do this, or else my lats and rhomboids start to take over, and that is not what we signed up for. I did this yesterday and I can tell you, my shoulders are feeling it today.
I hope this made you want to go out and get a dorito body, or at least a bag of doritos to eat. Lifting weights can be daunting, especially if someone is telling you it might give you Chris Evans-level broad shoulders. But, unless you’re eating an insane amount of food, the only thing it’s going to do is help you slim your waist, which is what we all want at the end of the day, right?!
If you have any questions, or just want to fangirl over Chris Evans, slide into my comment section and let me know!
Until next time.